Diagnosis: Tuberculosis

I alluded to TB in Isolation Room but the stigma I perceive still haunts me. When I was diagnosed I felt a vacuum enshroud my senses. Attempting to focus on what I was being told I immediately envisaged dying from a Victorian disease. Isolation is terrifying because it detaches your connection and interaction with people.Continue reading “Diagnosis: Tuberculosis”

Home Detox

Dependence on alcohol has consequences. These consequences aren’t considered when in the midst of heavy alcohol consumption. My experience of drying out follows. Following a prolonged period of drinking I would stop because the balance had tipped towards absolute annihilation. I was afraid of dying but equally afraid of coming off the drink. My stifledContinue reading “Home Detox”

The Buzz

There’s a part of me that still loves drinking alcoholic beverages. The thrill of planning the when, where, what and with who? I always drank alone, withdrawn and introverted. I realise that sounds contradictory, however despite being surrounded by people in public houses, bars, restaurants, I was essentially there to consume alcohol. The illusion IContinue reading “The Buzz”

Experience, Strength & Hope

I fantasise about the perfect share. The share that will amaze and astound everybody in attendance. This is my over inflated ego squaring up to my self worth that decided it was a pacifist some time ago. Splintered facets of a personality long soaked in alcohol. In essence I wanted to first exist, then survive,Continue reading “Experience, Strength & Hope”

Isolation Room

Wheeled into a room, one window and an en suite. Refrigerator in the corner, standard bedside cabinet, the only thing that was standard in this room. Rising from the wheelchair to get into the bed took an exerted effort to transport the chest drain and pot plus ones own emaciated mass. An urge to alleviateContinue reading “Isolation Room”

A Spiritual Experience

A feeling of immense gratitude enveloped my surroundings as I sat there in the church hall. The AA meeting about to commence, the previous feelings of fear, hurt and resentment reduced to a state of humility and simple reflection. I was enlightened by the idea of somebody preparing a place for me. This gesture, JesusContinue reading “A Spiritual Experience”

The Binge

Entombed in the back bedroom of a terraced house, bewildered, bemused and anticipating indulgence coupled with foreboding despair. Striking the balance between intoxication and two looming forces, withdrawal and blackout. Reaching for the luke warm strong white cider not knowing if it’s dusk or dawn. Guzzling the unpalatable source of replenishment to the point ofContinue reading “The Binge”