Forgiveness

The act of forgiveness eluded me for enough time to teach me wisdom. During that time I suffered as I fantasised about what I could’ve done to prevent or avenge what I perceived as a great injustice. SPOILER ALERT: Stop reading if you intend on watching The Virtues on Channel Four. I watched the ChannelContinue reading “Forgiveness”

Perpetual; Stop

Withdrawal from alcohol is hell on earth. An old timer told me once that an alcoholic isn’t afraid of hell because they’ve experienced it here on Earth. We open the gates of hell if we take a drink. The anguish, the inferno of rage, sadness and oblivion sweeping through, carrying us uncontrollably towards insanity andContinue reading “Perpetual; Stop”

The Serenity Prayer

The Serenity Prayer is attributable to the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971). It is said at the end of every AA meeting, however I was familiar with it before I entered the Fellowship. Sometimes it’s embroidered on tea towels or hung up in picture frames in locations where visitors can wonder at what it means.Continue reading “The Serenity Prayer”

Wretched

wretched/ˈrɛtʃɪd/adjective (of a person) in a very unhappy or unfortunate state. I chose this word deliberately when naming my blog because it encapsulates the way I always felt emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. The hole in the soul, the fear, the unworthiness that could only be appeased and enticed by alcohol. I was told twoContinue reading “Wretched”

Wobble – The Threat of Relapse

After 3 years in recovery from alcoholism I am convinced the obsession of the mind has left me. I no longer strategise about the purchasing, logistics and consumption of alcohol. I remind myself every day that I still have an allergy to alcohol. If I ingest it the phenomenon of craving will be the catalystContinue reading “Wobble – The Threat of Relapse”

Perception of Alcoholism

Relapse is something all alcoholics are threatened by and in my experience my sobriety was fragile enough to break under pressure. Support can be found in Alcoholics Anonymous, Treatment Centres and Rehabilitation Clinics to prevent relapse through peer group discussion, Addictive Voice Recognition Technique, Psychotherapy etc. However, I’m going to discuss the period of timeContinue reading “Perception of Alcoholism”

Diagnosis: Tuberculosis

I alluded to TB in Isolation Room but the stigma I perceive still haunts me. When I was diagnosed I felt a vacuum enshroud my senses. Attempting to focus on what I was being told I immediately envisaged dying from a Victorian disease. Isolation is terrifying because it detaches your connection and interaction with people.Continue reading “Diagnosis: Tuberculosis”

The Buzz

There’s a part of me that still loves drinking alcoholic beverages. The thrill of planning the when, where, what and with who? I always drank alone, withdrawn and introverted. I realise that sounds contradictory, however despite being surrounded by people in public houses, bars, restaurants, I was essentially there to consume alcohol. The illusion IContinue reading “The Buzz”

Experience, Strength & Hope

I fantasise about the perfect share. The share that will amaze and astound everybody in attendance. This is my over inflated ego squaring up to my self worth that decided it was a pacifist some time ago. Splintered facets of a personality long soaked in alcohol. In essence I wanted to first exist, then survive,Continue reading “Experience, Strength & Hope”