Forgiveness

The act of forgiveness eluded me for enough time to teach me wisdom. During that time I suffered as I fantasised about what I could’ve done to prevent or avenge what I perceived as a great injustice. SPOILER ALERT: Stop reading if you intend on watching The Virtues on Channel Four. I watched the ChannelContinue reading “Forgiveness”

Perpetual; Stop

Withdrawal from alcohol is hell on earth. An old timer told me once that an alcoholic isn’t afraid of hell because they’ve experienced it here on Earth. We open the gates of hell if we take a drink. The anguish, the inferno of rage, sadness and oblivion sweeping through, carrying us uncontrollably towards insanity andContinue reading “Perpetual; Stop”

The Serenity Prayer

The Serenity Prayer is attributable to the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971). It is said at the end of every AA meeting, however I was familiar with it before I entered the Fellowship. Sometimes it’s embroidered on tea towels or hung up in picture frames in locations where visitors can wonder at what it means.Continue reading “The Serenity Prayer”

A Day to Remember

A couple of years I visited Dublin, Ireland and I wanted to incorporate a couple of AA meetings into the trip. I had attended meetings in Malta whilst on holiday so I was in no doubt that they would be available and at that stage in my sobriety I was convinced meetings were necessary ifContinue reading “A Day to Remember”

Wretched

wretched/ˈrɛtʃɪd/adjective (of a person) in a very unhappy or unfortunate state. I chose this word deliberately when naming my blog because it encapsulates the way I always felt emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. The hole in the soul, the fear, the unworthiness that could only be appeased and enticed by alcohol. I was told twoContinue reading “Wretched”

Wobble – The Threat of Relapse

After 3 years in recovery from alcoholism I am convinced the obsession of the mind has left me. I no longer strategise about the purchasing, logistics and consumption of alcohol. I remind myself every day that I still have an allergy to alcohol. If I ingest it the phenomenon of craving will be the catalystContinue reading “Wobble – The Threat of Relapse”

Trauma

I always thought I was over sensitive. This might be explained by the latent alcoholic disease or perhaps how I was brought up. In hindsight it’s probably a combination of both circumstance and cognition. The value system I held as a youth didn’t equip me with the coping skills necessary to deal with violence, beContinue reading “Trauma”

Perception of Alcoholism

Relapse is something all alcoholics are threatened by and in my experience my sobriety was fragile enough to break under pressure. Support can be found in Alcoholics Anonymous, Treatment Centres and Rehabilitation Clinics to prevent relapse through peer group discussion, Addictive Voice Recognition Technique, Psychotherapy etc. However, I’m going to discuss the period of timeContinue reading “Perception of Alcoholism”

Diagnosis: Tuberculosis

I alluded to TB in Isolation Room but the stigma I perceive still haunts me. When I was diagnosed I felt a vacuum enshroud my senses. Attempting to focus on what I was being told I immediately envisaged dying from a Victorian disease. Isolation is terrifying because it detaches your connection and interaction with people.Continue reading “Diagnosis: Tuberculosis”