Post pandemic ruminations of an alcoholic follow so brace yourself. I returned to meetings this week and it was overall a rewarding and much needed antidote to the events of previous months.
Who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here. This is what’s read out near the end of an AA meeting and I’ll respectfully adhere to it in this blog.
I felt uneasy mingling with people again. Meetings are full of affection, warmth and compassion. That means smiles, handshakes and embraces. What it meant for me was a conflict of interests. I need to sink back into meetings like I’m indulging in a hot bath with candles and music. I know that listening to other alcoholics sharing their experience, strength and hope is nourishing for a recipient in recovery from the disease of alcoholism. I arrived early, sat patiently and listened intently, however I remained concerned about the impact of the pandemic on our society.
Absorbing the atmosphere of fellowship is so energising, it’s proverbially lighting the candle and feeding the spirit. I decided to keep socially distanced as much as possible and maintain the mask wearing for the duration of the meeting. I noticed how judgmental of others I was being by thinking badly of those not adhering to control measures put in place to reduce corona virus infection. I’m aware I was projecting negative thoughts and it’s none of my business what other people are doing. I was grateful to be there after five months of having to adapt to a life in lockdown.
Back in March I accessed online AA meetings but they lacked the ambiance, personality and human interaction of a physical gathering. Online meetings met a purpose but I found them easy to avoid, difficult to contribute to and unfulfilling. On a positive note, they did provide a familiar setting, support in terms of fellowship and an opportunity to stay involved when all around me the world was closing in. My alcoholism wants me sat in the corner of a room clutching a bottle with the curtains drawn being devoured by fear. I’m grateful I have a meeting to attend and I look forward to going again next week.
I’m going to write a gratitude list to remove any resentments I might be unaware of. Resentment is the number one offender; I need to clear my own side of the street and mind my own business. Gratitude for the many blessings bestowed on me really emphasises the triviality of bearing grudges against anybody else.
Stay safe, take care and Godbless